Book of the Week

Comment

Comment by mad cowboy on March 3, 2010 at 4:11pm

My post is actually the first comment , I cant seem to get My words Onto the blog, so I post it as a comment. the book was Library of Wit and Humor by the Worlds Greatest Humorists.

Comment by phoenician on March 3, 2010 at 10:11am

So what is the book of the week LOL phoenician

I liked Monty Python star John Cleese movie clockwise/work?? that was a hilarious film.

Comment by mad cowboy on March 3, 2010 at 1:37am

Around here we got Monty Python on PBS , Back in the Stoned age used to love them , I also still get a kick out of Fawlty Towers . And Life Of Bryan well, . I was going to add this on the post , in my way younger days I walked into a room of angry black men who were talking about why they didn't like white people.
I walked in the room and heard someone say, okay here's your typical country white guy lest ask him. I knew already I needed a good answer no matter what they asked. The guy said look be honest you voted for George Wallace didn't you? This was a long time ago , if you dont know who wallace was , he ran for president as an independant from one of the redneck states.
Now I could of went with the truth , I was too young to vote for him , or that I wasn't into being a racist. But then the perfect answer popped into my head. I looked at the guy , then the room and said hell yes five times. I've rarely been so proud of my sense of humor. peace B.

Comment by Garfield on March 3, 2010 at 12:34am

I grew up in Britain loving old Groucho, those Marx Bros movies were just as popular here. Later, in my teens and 20's it was Monty Python, very British but I hope even Americans loved Life Of Brian.
Humour is a great way of revealing the truth of politics too, like this joke. For you Americans, just change Prime Minister to President

A little boy goes to his
dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let
me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the
family, so call me The Prime Minister.

Your mother is the
administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.


We are here to take care
of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will
consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother,
we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and
see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes
off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he
hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.


He finds that the baby
has severely soiled himself

So the little boy goes
to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.


Not wanting to wake her,
he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks
in the keyhole and see's his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the
little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the
concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good,
son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all
about.'

The little boy replies,
'The prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and
the Future is in deep
shit.'

Comment by jupiter on March 2, 2010 at 8:03pm

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made..... Some people Laugh at you and the way you Carry a joke , some laugh at the joke, and then theres those ; like me who see through the joke, Laugh and may feel discontent with content. Groucho Marks ; his material is ready for a Do-over. Good third eye for a Humorist, wait til the end of the show and then divulge the author. Funnier even is the hippies sang about the age of Aquarius during the age of Pisces . some are so old they cant remember what that thing is in their hands because they forgot to pass it on to someone else ( like the run to Mount Olympus , that flaming thing ) here we are dream dreamed ; the fruition is evading most, Why is that ?? Responsibility is a Lesson in Itself, it's Self Sustaining. I have a Dry sense of Humor. George Carlin (RIP) once said hippies changed their motto from "Peace and Love" to " Just Do It "....

Comment by mad cowboy on March 2, 2010 at 12:45pm

Book of the week.
I felt bad about last week on the forum ans while I know I should just let it go it really bothers me. That’s why I though I would read a book on it , I hope that some of you looking for reading material give some of them a shot.. Last week it was “How to Win Friends and Influence People”
I wish everybody would read it. You’d be amazed at the things that can be done if we all pull together as a team.
Now it really bothers me , so I went back to basics. First maybe there isn’t even such a thing anymore , but if I could be anything literalarily it would be a humorist. I’m not good at comedy or telling a joke even though I have good timing , my strength lies in the improvise,. And to see the humor in things .
Now were getting to the book. First off It’s called “The Library of Wit and Humor” By the world’s Greatest Humorists. On the Spine it says by Eli Perkins and others. I have a second edition , it’s copywrited 1893 and 1901. I love old books and this was one of the first collectable books I bought. I bought the book in 1982 maybe, Which to have a point is that I read it then , and I’m thinking maybe I need a refresher on humor.
Of course maybe What I need is new stuff? After all 1901 maybe things have changed since then. The trick according to the book and my apparently failing memory the humorist takes comedy and makes it more personal.
“ I shot an Elephant in my Pajama’s one morning, How he got in my pajama’s I’ll never know”. That is a joke from a very funny comedian and humorist Groucho Marx. If I was to suggest mindless American entertainment its hard to go wrong with the Marx Brothers.
I don’t like paste and posting much but I thought I would place a few of his lines as an example of humor. I’ll abreviate for time but we can note the difference from his lines and the ones from the movies. A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
From a movie this is comedy a joke. Everything is in there , the set up and then the punch line.
Humor isn’t so finished sometimes you have to think about it. Usually if your telling jokes you know the first rule is if you have to explain it , it wont be funny. I’ll give an example but first some of Groucho’s own lines .
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.


I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I intend to live forever, or die trying
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
I like his way but I always say “getting old isn’t so bad , considering the alternative.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I Don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx One that I use all the time. On this blog I think its kept me out of everything since the boy scouts.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Women should be obscene and not heard
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx


I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

My favorite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.
Groucho Marx

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception





Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
I have had a perfect evening, but this wasn’t it.
Humor is reason gone mad

Reason gone mad That’s kind of how I like my reason anyway. To get back to point or just before because this guy was pretty funny. Abrasive maybe partly some of the things he said back then you just cant talk that way anymore. But I think he was very honest , a possible glimpse of the man can be found from an interview with Dick Cavvette.
Someday I hope it will matter that he is remembered along with a lot of humorists of not only this country I hear that for awhile even in England they were starting to get it , In fact I like stealing lines from Oscar Wilde, I think he might of studied under Mark Twain . Maybe my favorite of all humorist’s, cept Him above maybe.
It’s weird people ask me all the time do I think god has a sense of humor? As a humorist I like to look around the room , let them think about the question , then just say Oh Yeah, with a laugh . If they need elaboration I just say look around I’ll bet he’s laughing his invisible flying spaghetti butt off. Then I give with a topper I say “I not only think so , I’m kind of counting on it.” I guess if you know me it’s not so weird I get asked that question, a lot.
Any way that is humor , a funny response to a serious or sometimes stupid question, Or simple.
To use humor involves a few major points. One is timing you have to say the right thing at the right time.
There’s two ways to do this . One is to know every joke or really funny answers that there are. Its hard but I can help, first find joke books , compilations , stay away from the potty series , mostly.
A really good place to start is “3500 good Jokes for speakers” By Gerald Lieberman. What I liked about the book is it talks you through public speaking . Teaches you timing , delivery . Another good but boring book on the subject is “ How to be Funny” by Merv Griffin.
You probably didn’t know it takes a lot of training . What I got from these books is that next you take that knowledge, the jokes , and convert them into your own material. For instance I took those 3500 plus about 5000 more and made three songs. Plus somewhere in my brain there’s 8500 jokes. Funny I can’t think of one of them right now, . Maybe humorist just like to take the long way around a joke. As Mark Twain explained its how you tell a joke thats the difference.
This is what I got out of his formula , and I’ll just tell you how it worked for me.
First you just cant tell the joke you have to wait for the right time. As with the jokes its best to be able to modify your jokes to fit into situations.
I was at a camp out , and talking to a girl, this was a while ago I should say we were almost the same age . It was late at night and somehow it was brought up that I was post military. She asked me of course if I had you know scene any action? Of course I told her you know I would of been twelve but I did serve with Vietnam veterans who had seen action. I told her I knew a few Stories about what happen’s but I never had seen action. She asked me to tell her one , I said are you sure it’s kind of rough. See there was this guy Who we called Sergent Remo. We called him sergent but one day he’d have stripes the next he wouldn’t. A very special person who I have met in my life. He was a boxer from Porto Rico, who had to stop boxing when he was wounded in the war. He had a mettle plate in his head. What made him note worthy was that he had a note from a doctor , that if he went off? It wasnt his fault . Being a boxer this made it interesting. We all felt that the best way was to keep him calm,.
Like most veterans he didn’t like to talk about what happened in the trenches. Even as young as I was Till this day, respect that and never ask about that stuff. One day we were all doing the hurry up and wait, and somebody asked him , very quietly he told us this story.
There we were trapped in our foxholes with the VC getting ready to over run us. It was hairy , machine gun fire , mortars . We were all scared trust me. We get the order to bug out and as we are running for the rear line we get hit by a grenade launcher . As soon as we take cover I can hear my buddy screaming Remo Remo help me , I’m wounded. He wasn’t far away but it was some heavy fire , I was lucky to make it over to him. I say Jim jim how bad is it , where you hit?.
Well he said It’s my leg , I cant run , can you carry me? So he said he picks the guy up in a firemans carry, and starts running for his life back to his line. He said the sound he’ll always remember , bullets whizzing buy , mortars and grenades exploding. One big one went off right behind me. He said it was like an old black and white war movie , and he was practically deaf by the time he reached his lines. He went straight to the medics and put his buddy on a stretcher before the medics could get to him. The field doctor looks at his friend and says he’s dead , Remo says no way doc , and the doctor says look he was hit by a mortar ,he has a hole in his head, and Remo says well he said it was his leg.





This was in fact from the book , Mark Twin wrote a part among others. It’s his joke , that he says he got from The Greeks about a battle scene during the Seige of Troy. Now is that an old joke, but it worked , to perfection , all she could say is “I’ll never believe another word you say”. As a humorist thats the pay off. When she got it.
This post is getting way long but I’m not done, humor is a very important social tool. It also a part of being healthy. By accident I once made my dad and family laugh in a rather inapropriate time and place. We were in the hospital after he had had a triple bypass . I thought I was going to kill him, a nurse came in and I was like I’m so sorry , she said hey if he can laugh after what he’s been through he’s gonna be just fine. But don’t try that one at home. Unless you’ve studied of course.
I guess I’ve got through a hundred difficult situations , with nothing but humor. Not to mention the fun I’ve had with humor. I think we could all work on a sense of humor. And I know I’ll see if I can hunt up some new material. Peace and love. Sorry this post went so long I couldn’t resist Posting some Groucho. B.